Facts of Life for playing in Pubs & Clubs

For all you muso's out there, I am sure you can relate.....

Unless you are in a concert situation, most of the people are not there to hear you. Your music is incidental. People go to restaurants and bars to eat, to drink, to socialise, do business, or maybe to be alone in a crowd. So if you reach some of them and entertain them, you've done a hell of a job.

Any volume is too loud for someone.

The talent of anyone who wants to sit in, is inversely proportional to how insistent he or his friends are about his sitting in. The most talented musician that you would really like to play with will be sitting there quietly and will have left his axe in the car.

Most people sitting in a bar don't think about the physics of a microphone boom. They will playfully poke the weighted end of the boom, slamming the mic into your lips and teeth while you're singing.

The crowd would rather hear a terrible rendition of 'Sweet Caroline' than the tastiest arrangement of one of your originals that they've never heard before.

The customer who asked for 'Sweet Caroline', his favourite song, won't realise you're playing it until you actually reach the word 'Sweet'.

Someone in the crowd will have halfway heard you play 'Sweet Caroline' and it will remind him of the song, so he'll request it right after you've just played it.

Nobody at the pub will care, or even hear the hip chords you're playing for the song they requested. They want to hear the song played exactly like they heard it on the radio.

In most pubs, your main objective is to try to entertain without bothering anybody (or without anybody bothering you).

Unless you want to marry her and be the one who takes her home every night, don't hitch your star to a girl singer.

Most of the 'professional' singers asking to sit in with you will not know their keys.

Always have an extra mic available and hooked up. Girl singers (sometimes guys) will always leave lipstick on the end of your mic.

it almost makes you giddy when a singer sits in, knows their tunes, keys, tempos and knocks everybody out. If you play in restaurants or lounges, make sure you're comfortable with keys. Most professional girl singers sing about a fourth away from the original and won't accept a half-step difference.

Make sure horn players don't warm up on the stage. There's nothing like having a romantic meal at a fine restaurant and suddenly hearing a loud alto sax playing 'bird licks' and scales.

And the number one fact of life for playing in pubs and clubs.....

Your slowest night, with the most obnoxious crowd and the worst response, is immeasurably better than the best day you ever had at a day job!